Just Cry
by Kaychan87
Summary: After his encounter with Yzak on Mendel, Dearka realizes his true feelings for Miriallia while they talk and after some soul searching. A short MxD fic based on Episode 46. ONE SHOT


**Just Cry**

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED. This fic was inspired largely by _Phase 46: A Place For The Soul_.

* * *

She stood in the open doorway to the crew's dinning facilities. Everyone had just returned to the ship after a fierce battle. While she was relieved that her friend was alive she knew some of her comrades were in pain. '_I wish I knew what's wrong with him. He looks so sad,_' she thought as she watched. They had been thrown together by a twist of fate during a battle on their way to Alaska. Her boyfriend had been declared MIA and he was a captive on their ship. The tanned youth with wispy blond hair, a Coordinator from ZAFT, and the young girl with the short brown hair, a Natural working aboard a ship from the Earth Alliance, had started out as enemies so to speak. Her words still haunted her memory.

_"Tolle's gone and he's never coming back and yet this creep... What is this scumbag doing here!"_

Clenching her hand closed against her chest, the pink-clad young woman entered the room quietly and took a seat next to the blond. "Dearka, are you… I mean…" she started, not quite sure what to say to him. The blond didn't even look up. He kept his gaze focused on the tabletop. The girl didn't say another word. She lightly wrapped her arms around the Coordinator and gave him a gentle hug.

* * *

Dearka Elthman never imagined that he would face his best friend in war. They were both ZAFT soldiers and they fought together. However, since he had encountered Yzak at the abandoned Mendel colony the young man had been rather upset. All Dearka could think about were Yzak's harsh words:

"_Did you think I was naïve enough to believe the words of an enemy?" Yzak demanded, holding Dearka at gun point._

"_Have I become your enemy?" Dearka responded._

Sighing, Dearka just sunk deeper into his depression. He didn't understand how Yzak could be so blind to ZAFT's true intentions. Even he and Athrun had been able to realize them in time. It was so very obvious but no one was really questioning the PLANT Supreme Council. To Dearka, it was looking like Patrick Zala would win and the Naturals would be completely eliminated. Slamming his fist against the tabletop, Dearka barely noticed when the girl had joined him.

"_I can't just quietly follow orders when it looks like all we're trying to do is wipe out every last Natural alive!"_

He had meant every bit of what he said. Since his time aboard the Archangel he had come to realize just how precious a particular Natural was to him. He knew they had had a rocky start but since he had been released as a prisoner, he had stuck with the Archangel for her. The young woman confused him greatly but he had developed feelings for her in their short time together. After all, she had attempted to kill him and then she saved him. He figured he deserved it from the things he had said and that she had only saved him because she had reached her breaking point.

It was because of their initial meeting that the young man nearly jumped when he felt her arms around him. Turning, he looked down at the brunette sitting by him. "What… what are you doing here…?" he asked, shocked and overjoyed at the same time.

"I was worried about you," she replied as she looked up at him, her blue eyes locking with his violet ones. Dearka blinked, taken aback by her sincere words.

"Miriallia… I…" he started, not quite sure what to say. However, he could not just leave her hanging on his unfinished thought. So he smiled and hesitantly ran a hand through her hair. "Thank you."

Blushing, Miriallia ducked her head a bit and pulled away. No one had been close to her in that way since Tolle. "Everyone came back upset. That girl out there… she was… the other girl who tried to kill you that night. Fllay," Miriallia told him softly. She was relieved that Fllay was a live, of course, but her heart was breaking for Kira and for Sai. Both of her close friends had loved Fllay and now she was on the Dominion, out of their grasp. "Kira must be devastated," she added. Dearka just gave a slight nod and looked Miriallia over. She looked the same way she had the first time he had laid eyes on her: downcast and weepy.

"I'm sure he is. I don't know what went on with them in the colony but it doesn't sound like it was very pleasing," Dearka replied, thinking of how Kira had been ready to aid him against Yzak.

"What about you? What happened to you in that place?" Miriallia asked suddenly, catching Dearka off guard.

"I… I had to face my best friend in there," Dearka replied, speaking in an uncharacteristically sad tone. He was still unable to accept that he was now Yzak's enemy. It just couldn't be true!

"Dearka… I'm sorry," she said as she moved closer to him. The war was growing worse with each passing moment it was allowed to continue. She had seen countless friends become enemies in her short time in the military.

"I never thought I would have to pick between my best friend and the gir… my beliefs," Dearka murmured. He had almost finished with "the girl I love" but he had caught himself. How the Hell could he be in love with her already? It didn't seem natural that love could happen so fast. Clenching his fists, Dearka turned away. He was being ridiculous. '_Love can happen fast, right? And I didn't pick her over Yzak… I picked my beliefs over him. What ZAFT is doing really is wrong!_' he reasoned with himself.

"Dearka, whatever happens between you and your friend, I'll be here for you. I…" Miriallia trailed off, turning away as well. She could not believe how fast she had replaced Tolle. '_No… no, I did not replace Tolle. Tolle is gone and I can't stop living and loving because of it,_' she told herself. She had gotten to know Dearka. He was not the monster he had seemed at their first encounter.

Dearka turned suddenly and enveloped Miriallia in a tight hug. He didn't have any idea what she wanted to say; he just knew that he wanted her there. He could show everything he was feeling to her and she would not use it against him. Miriallia smiled lightly and returned the hug with just as much emotion. She knew he was holding in what he was feeling and she wished that he would just let loose and allow her to comfort him.

"Dearka, please don't hold back. If you're upset I want to comfort you," she told him pleadingly.

Dearka smiled and looked down at her and sighed softly. "I am. I'm still…adjusting… to Yzak's declaration." His violet eyes darkened slightly as he kept thinking back to Yzak's words to him. After everything they had been through together how could they really be enemies? Kira and Athrun had gone through the same problem; he knew that they had remained friends after it all.

"I understand," Miriallia told him. With another smile, she rose from her seat. "Please don't hesitate to find me," she added as she walked out of the room quickly. Dearka nodded dumbly as he resumed looking at the tabletop. In his seventeen years of life, he had been through so much more than normal people experience. He had fought in battles where he had to witness the death of his friends; he had become skilled at operating the Buster Gundam; he had battled on Earth for the first time with Yzak by his side; he had been taken as a prisoner of war and consequently met the lovely but distraught Miriallia Haww; most importantly he learnt that when a person was at war a friend can quickly become the enemy and the enemy a friend.

"She was the enemy at one point in time… She didn't have to do half the things she's done for me," he mused. A tight smile formed on his tanned face. "Yzak… I wish you could understand that I have to protect her," he said quietly to himself. If he had been able to explain it to Yzak at the time then he would have. '_Maybe next time we meet you'll listen to me,_' he thought before he got up and followed after Miriallia.

"Miriallia! Wait!" he called as he chased after her. Miriallia turned, her brown hair bouncing as she did so, and gave Dearka a quizzical look. The blonde quickly caught up to her and draped an arm around her shoulders. "I want to keep talking to you. You're probably the only person here that will listen to me right now," he told her quietly. Miriallia nodded at him and waited for him to continue.

"Yzak and I… I have to face it… as long as he's fighting for ZAFT's goal and I'm fighting to end the war, he'll see me as his enemy," he said when the girl didn't speak. He pulled her closer to him and leaned his head closer. "Damn it… I don't want… I mean… I told him I couldn't follow ZAFT's orders because all Patrick Zala wants to do is completely wipe out the Naturals!" the blond seethed. Miriallia flinched slightly at his words. ZAFT and the Earth Forces were fighting to accomplish similar goals. They wanted to see the other side obliterated.

"That's why we're fighting. To stop that from happening," she told him, trying to reassure him.

"I know… I really don't want to fight to fight him. I… if I… if I killed him in battle…" Dearka started, his voice cracking slightly.

"Dearka…" Miriallia started only to be hushed by him.

"Miriallia, he asked me why I was fighting with the Strike. I told him why and I could only think about one thing," Dearka told her very quietly, afraid he might just break down from the emotional overflow he was experiencing. Miriallia looked at him curiously. "I was thinking of protecting you. I can't let ZAFT win… not if it means losing you!" he confessed, turning Miriallia so that he was facing her. "Even if that means fighting… Yzak…" The blond clenched his eyes shut and looked away from Miriallia, ashamed to cry in front of her.

"I… I don't want Blue Cosmos to succeed either Dearka," she said softly, her own blue orbs filling with tears. "I want to protect you too," she half whispered. Dearka's eyes flew open, tears spilling out, and he searched her face for any trace of her words being a lie.

"Miriallia…" Dearka sighed and pulled her close. He buried his face into her shoulder and tried to fight off the tears.

Miriallia wrapped her arms tightly around the taller youth and rubbed his back soothingly. "It's okay Dearka. Cry if that's what you need. I'll stay right here with you as long as you need me to. Just cry," she whispered lightly into his ear. Dearka nodded into her shoulder and stopped fighting the tears.

'_Maybe one day I'll be able to tell you… I love you._' Unknowingly they both shared the same thought as they stood in their embrace, just crying.


End file.
